Xanax Mom

Monster in Law?

2007-04-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

My mother-in-law means well. I mean, I really think she does. But sometimes she just makes comments that really get to me. Today, we were walking down the street during a supposedly pleasant afternoon of quality time together. I am wearing an unrevealing sweater set that she bought me. She turns to me and says, "You know, you really have got to get better bras. Your boobs are flopping all over the place. You need a minimizer bra. You should get fitted professionally." I did not know what to say. I really didn't. So I replied, "I think this bra fits okay." She says, "You know they have professional bra fitting at Bloomingdales for Wacoal and sometimes you buy one and get one half price." I said, "I have some Wacoal bras but they don't fit me right now" and ended the conversation.
I think I will go to Ross tomorrow and see if they have any bras that fit me better. I'm on a diet now (5 lbs down, thank you very much) and don't want to pay $50-75 for a bra.
My new job is not the cats meow so I have to figure out what I am doing with my work situation. Plus our home has been on the market for 80 days (but who is counting) so our living situation is a bit up in the air, to say the least. Getting ready for open houses every Sunday (we have had 14, but who is counting) has been extremely stressful for me and my husband. And then we get kicked out every Sunday and have to spend quality time with the in-laws. Suddenly, the valley is sounding better.

February 14th

2007-02-14T17:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have not kept to my new year's resolutions. Here is an update:

1) Lose 20 lbs. Signed up on weightwatchers.com on 12/29/06 after becoming completely disgusted with the tire forming on my waistline and daughter asked if I was going to have a baby.
Okay, I DID join a gym (in the building where I work) and instead of spending lunch with co-workers I don't really care about, I have been going to the gym three times a week. I have lost 5 lbs. This is a major accomplishment. 15 more to go!

2) Write on my blog at least 1x per week I (I'm trying to set realistic goals)
This is my first post in over six weeks. Must work on this one.

3) Resolve issues with boss or find a new job (boss is lying bastard who cheated me out of 100k)
Headhunter sent me out on many interviews and I got an offer. Now I need to decide what to do. Still hate lying boss and it has become very uncomfortable for me. I can't "fake it."

4) Exercise at least 3x a week (even if this means walking your child to sleep at 8pm).
Yes, I am doing this!!! (Okay, so it was 2x last week and I am having desert twice today, but it's Valentine's Day!) My size 10 pants that I bought in desperation are very loose. Thank God I might have to throw them out!!!

5) Find time to volunteer with charity.
I went to the training session for The Make A Wish Foundation and found out that I was the only married person in the room. Tip to single men in LA - there were more pretty single women in that room than I have ever seen. Training sessions are on Saturday, too tough for me. I will go to their benefit dinner and make a donation.

6) Be nice to my husband for at least two days.
I tried. Will try harder.

New Year's Resolutions

2006-12-29T09:42:00.000-08:00

I, Xanax Mom, solemly vow to:

1) Lose 20 lbs. Signed up on weightwatchers.com on 12/29/06 after becoming completely disgusted with the tire forming on my waistline and daughter asked if I was going to have a baby.

2) Write on my blog at least 1x per week I (I'm trying to set realistic goals)

3) Resolve issues with boss or find a new job (boss is lying bastard who cheated me out of 100k)

4) Exercise at least 3x a week (even if this means walking your child to sleep at 8pm).

5) Find time to volunteer with charity.

6) Be nice to my husband for at least two days.

The Saturday Evening Post

2006-10-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

I really wish I could have the time to blog more and make this blog into something that people would regularly read and comment on.

I actually DO read several blogs that seem to be updated on a daily basis and I have blog-envy. The problem is that I have two kids, I work, and I am so exhausted at the end of the day that I often just plop down on the couch or surf the web when I do have spare time. Writing requires thought, and I am simply too tired to think.

I also wonder how true Bloggers get other people to read their blogs. I got a somewhat cool looking template, registered for my own URL, signed up on Technorati and even wrote a few posts posted a few times, but certainly the masses are not coming. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know.

Of course, writing more often and writing more interesting posts more often might be a good first step.

The Nanny Who Wanted To Come Back

2006-10-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

When I returned home from work today, after leaving my kids with Temporary Nanny and worrying if I would ever see them alive again, I noticed on my caller ID that Nanny had called today. There was no message.

Later, I checked my email. I found an email sent from her cell phone with a cute picture of my daughter:

Ms xanax mom i feel better i want to know if you want me to come back please let me know otherwise i find another job i call you today but somebody else answer and i dont want to leave a message with other person thank you. NANNY

Unbelievable.

The Nanny Who Left Us

2006-10-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

MONDAY NIGHT

As the Jewish New Year ends, we get a call from Nanny. She had been sick the previous Thursday and Friday and complained quite a bit (blaming my children for getting her sick). I felt bad and let her come to work late on Thursday and go home early on Friday.

She seemed to have a bad head cold on those two days. She was sniffling and coughing, making me nervous all the while. I thought she might bring something that was not in our already-ill home into it.

It was like watching a tornado coming towards you but thinking, "Well, we're already in a tornado so it probably won't hurt us, right?"

It's never good when you start to question your own rationale.

SUNDAY NIGHT PRIOR

Nanny calls to say that her throat and ears are hurting and she has to take the day off Monday to go to the doctor.

I never took an entire day off of work to go to the doctor, but that's another story.

We hire one of my daughter's former preschool teacher's friends (if that makes sense) to watch our still-sick son for a few hours so we can take my daughter to a "family" Yom Kippur service. I was not planning on paying Nanny for her day off because I had to pay someone else. I did not tell her this, and she did not ask.

SATURDAY PRIOR

When we are in the ER with our son, one doctor asks if anybody else in our house is sick. I reply that Nanny is, but that we all kind of feel under-the-weather in some way, shape or form. This converations hangs over my head as I wonder if I should have told Nanny to stay home on Thursday and Friday when I knew she was sick.

BACK TO MONDAY NIGHT

The phone call. Nanny says doctor told her she had an ear and throat infection.

I think to myself, "Self, this does not sound good. You have a meeting at work tomorrow and what are you going to do when Nanny does not show up?"

Nanny then continues to explain that despite her throat and ear infection, her doctor said she could come to work because she is not sick, but is suffering from allergies.

I think to myself, "Self, does she think you are THAT f’ing stupid?"

I reply, "Nanny, are you SURE you are not sick, that your allergies caused an ear AND throat infection. Because if you are sick, please stay home. Son was in the hospital on Saturday and the doctors said we should not expose him to anyone who is sick, if at all possible."

She says, "Yes, my doctor said that my ear and throat infection were caused by allergies. He gave me an antibiotic. He wrote a note for you."

I ask her which antibiotic she is taking. She cannot tell me because it is "in the other room."

This is all sounding fishy but I agree to let her come to work the following day. We end the call with me saying, "I'll see you at 7:30 tomorrow."

That is at 7:30 p.m. At 10:00 p.m., I hear a POUNDING at the door. I say to husband, "What's that?" He opens the door and finds Nanny's adult daughter with our two car seats, the keys to our house, and a note.

The note says (in Nanny’s daughter's handwriting):

Ms. Xanax Mom,

I am returning your car seats and keys because I feel that you are unhappy with my services. I explained to you that I am not sick. I have allergies, but you insist that I have the flu. Please don't call me anymore. You asked me to stay away from your house and kids.

Thank you,

Nanny

WHAT???? That's all I can utter.

I feel tempted to run after her daughter, but my husband stops me. I think to myself, "What is wrong with that woman? She's offended because I want to protect my children from sickness?" At the same time, I realize that I am screwed because I have no help for the following day, my son's first birthday, and I am supposed to work. I also realize that I have two doctor appointments with Son the following day (one for his one-year check-up and a follow-up with the asthma/allergy specialist we had seen the previous week), so the day was going to be screwed-up anyhow.

I call Mother-in-Law, who agrees to pick up Daughter from school and watch her while I schlep Son to his appointments.

TUESDAY

During my day from hell, I get a call from my friend's nanny (the same one who referred Nanny to me two months ago.) She says, "I hear Nanny is no longer working for you." I say, "Yes, she said she has allergies. I think she is allergic to work." She says she asked Nanny why she did not go to work and finish out the week (the week she had never started). Nanny replied that she could not go to work because she was too sick." I say, "I knew she was sick. She lied to me, she tried to tell me she had allergies." My friend’s nanny attempts to help me out by referring someone else. By that time, I have found a temporary replacement. Not to say that having a temporary replacement makes my life easy, but it is better than nothing. And anything is better than having to train another nanny or have my kids form any kind of bond with a stranger who turns out to be no better than the trash you forget to take out and really stinks in the morning.

WEDNESDAY

While I drop Daughter off at school, I get a call from Nanny (on my cell phone). She says, "Ms. Xanax Mom, I am so sick." I say, "I'm sorry to hear that but I am dropping Daughter off at school right now and am very busy."

I call her back later, more out of curiosity than anything else. She says, "I've been in bed for the last two days. I have a high fever. I thought I had allergies because that's what my doctor told me but the next day I started having a high fever and I am so sick now." She then tells me that she did not start the antibiotic that the doctor prescribed because it took two days for the pharmacy to clear the prescription with her insurance and she did not want to pay cash.

I cannot imagine how expensive a dose of Amoxicillin (yes, she told me what drug was prescribed at this point) could have cost, but surely it was less expensive than losing her $540/week cash job. But I digress.

Nanny contininues to explain that the only reason she is calling is to let me know she had thought she had allergies and did not think she was sick on Monday night. She felt very bad that I thought she was a liar and wanted to explain herself.

Oy vey, enough already.

This is the woman I trusted my precious children with????

I feel sick.

The Cancelled Birthday Party

2006-09-30T23:41:00.000-07:00

My son's first birthday party was supposed to be tomorrow. We had a big celebration planned with lots of family and friends. The food was going to be catered. There was going to be entertainment for the kids. Special goodie-bags have been stuffed.

The party has been postponed, thanks to my son's ongoing fight with asthma, or reactive airway disease.

Whatever this beast is that is getting the best of my son's lungs, I just wish it would go away.

He has been taking quick-relief asthma medicines and inhaled corticosteroids via nebulizer three times a day for ten days and oral steroids for four days now, and has not really shown much of an improvement.

He has vomited on me five times, and my husband once. His doctor told us he would have to be admitted to the hospital for two to three days today. We went to the ER to get him admitted, but they thought his oxygen level was good enough that he did not have to be hospitalized.

However, he is still wheezing and coughing.

There is nothing worse than seeing your child suffer. I sure hope he gets better soon.

Happy birthday, baby boy.

The Longest Year of Our Lives

2006-09-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, my husband said, "This has been the longest year of our lives... literally."

He was right.

We have spent more time awake during this past year than we had ever before. And it's all thanks to a diaper terrorist who is going to have his first birthday very soon.

And we're getting even less sleep now than we did three weeks ago, when my husband came up with this brilliant-for-him statement.

We thought my daughter was a bad sleeper. After the first three or four months of her life (which we can forgive because all newborn babies get up a lot to eat), my daughter woke up once per night. Until she was eleven months old, I nursed her back to sleep and she would stay asleep until seven or eight in the morning. When I stopped nursing, we would pop a binkie in her mouth, and she would go back to sleep straight away.

At the time, my husband thought our daughter was a terrible sleeper because she woke up every night. We heard stories from our "friends" about their children who slept through the night at six weeks of age and we were envious. We thought she had "sleep issues." She did not sleep through the night until she was fourteen months old. But she always went back to sleep when she did wake up. Sticking the binkie in her mouth, in retrospect, was a minor inconvenience.

My son... my adorable, little man. He is another story. God made him cute for a reason. And he is an undeniably gorgeous baby.

The diaper terrorist woke up at least three times a night until he was nine months old. I nursed him back to sleep but he never fell into a deep sleep. Whenever he aroused, he wanted to nurse. He slept in our bed because getting up to retreive him was so exhausting. I slept lightly because I was afraid he would fall out of the bed, and whenever I DID fall back to sleep, DT would wake up and want a cocktail from the boobie bar.

When I weaned him, he finally started sleeping through the night - if you can call it that.

For the past two months, my son woke up between 5:00 a.m. and 5:20 a.m. No matter what we tried to get him to sleep later - everything to delaying his bedtime, putting him to sleep earlier, napping him more, napping him less - he still woke up at the same time.

And we thought this was bad.

Then, this week happened. My son has a cold and has reactive airway disease. This basically means that whenever he gets sick, he has breathing difficulties (similar to asthma). He wheezes and coughs so hard that he frequently vomits (usually on me). Because of this, he takes an inhaled steroid called Pulmicort once a day, even when he is not sick. When he does get sick, he takes the Pulmicort twice a day and another drug called Xoponex up to three times a day. The Xoponex contains Albuterol, and is a "rescue" medication that is supposed to relieve symptoms within minutes. The problem is that it also causes hyperactivity.

I do believe this is why my son has woken up, rearing to go for the day, before 4:00 a.m. this past week.

Either that, or he just hates us.

I am serious.

Part-time Moms

2006-09-16T13:41:00.000-07:00

There are many women parading around Los Angeles who have the enviable job of part-time moms (referred to herein as “PTMs”). These mommies do not work in the traditional sense and have fulltime nannies and housekeepers (or a combination thereof) who cook, clean, chauffer their children to school, take them on play dates, to the park, and extra-curricular activities, while these women talk on their cell phones, go to the gym, “do lunch,” go shopping, and run errands. Being a fulltime mom is an exhausting job and I envy these women who have been able to finagle a way to turn it into a part-time job.

Yes, I am unabashedly jealous.

Sure, the PTMs successful husbands may not be around as much as mine is. Sure, PTMs do not have the intellectual “rewards” of a real career. Many of these women do volunteer work, if they so desire. PTMs call the shots. They chose what they want to do, when they want to do it, and since they are not reliant on the almighty paycheck, they are also empowered to decide if they do not want to do anything at all besides sipping lattes and going to pilates.

Oh, what I would do for the time and money to do pilates or any type of exercise for that matter. Or to enjoy a leisurely latte. My Starbucks sessions consist of quickly gulping down liquid caffeine for a mandatory refueling of adrenaline to keep me from passing out.

Xanax will do that to you.

I want to be a PTM. I want to chose which child I can accompany with me to various activities and leave the other one at home where he can nap and stay happy by sticking to his or her normal routine. I want to spend more individual time with my kids. I want to be the one who goes on play dates or the park, if and only if I feel like it.

I want to be a PTM. I would rather not drag my two screaming kids to the supermarket and then figure out how to unload them and a cart full of groceries up a flight of stairs back into our condominium, unassisted.

I want to be a PTM. I have been warned by my husband who wants his successful wife to remain eternally employed that I would have no paid help if I did not work full-time. Instead, I am a full time employee and a part-time mom on the side. Yes, my kids have a nanny, but she is not a luxury. She is an essential caregiver for my children who knows that I need her in order for me to work. My children both have asthma and get sick if someone in the next room sneezes, so the more affordable option of daycare is simply not an option. Furthermore, my son’s heart condition and the must-be refrigerated medication he takes at precise eight hour intervals make day care a complete impossibility. I pay an arm and a leg for a nanny, the most recent of whom, after two weeks on the job, has told me she is exhausted and will no longer do “light housekeeping” as part of her job responsibilities. So I will now have to hire a once-a-week housekeeper in order to keep my full-time nanny happy. Who’s the boss? I digress.

When I get home from work and the changing of the guard with Nanny ensues, I quickly switch gears into full-time mom mode. My kids are at their worst… tired, whiny, pissed at me for being gone all day, and needing to be quickly fed, bathed and loved before they melt-down completely. This all happens before husband comes home from work. He is gone from 7:30 a.m. – 6:30 p.m. He misses all of the fun.

I want to be a PTM. I want quality time with my kids and I also want quality time with myself.

I need a wife.